The Ultimate Guide to Friendships 2 Surviving Arguments… Disagreements are part of everyday life, but an argument with your mates always seems much worse than with your parents. The truth is, an argument with a friend is much easier to sort out as you’re around the same age and you normally get on really well, but only if you’re both willing to make the effort to sort things out. ANALYSE WHAT HAS HAPPENED – OK, so you’ve had a row and there’s nothing you can do about it now. You’re probably in the ‘lets ignore each other’ stage, so take some time to sit down and think about exactly why you were arguing in the first place. You might still  be angry, but be fair and try not to blame anything on anyone specifically. The chances are, you can’t really remember what prompted the argument, which is good because it means it won’t be particularly important, and therefore can be easily fixed. The next thing you need to think about is whether you are willing to sort things out, or whether you want to hold a grudge and lose your mate. TALK THINGS THROUGH - Hopefully you’ll be eager to be mates again, so grab the opportunity to talk things through as soon as possible. You’ll probably both have gone over and over what happened in your heads, and have come to the conclusion that you are both to blame. You need to talk about what you were feeling at the time, which lead to the argument. By telling each other what was going on in your own heads, you can understand why it lead to a row, who was initially to blame, and what you need to do to stop it happening again. TAKE THE BLAME - Saying sorry is pretty hard to do when you honestly mean it. If you owe your mate an apology, don’t hesitate to give it, however hard it is to admit you were wrong. Although it may be only a word, saying sorry means a lot as it’s another step towards making things right again. FORGIVE AND FORGET – When apologies have been accepted on both sides, you should use this experience as a way to prevent further arguments. Don’t take the piss later about who was right or wrong, just drop it completely and look ahead so there’s no hard feelings on either side. Losing friends… Despite following all the advice you can be given, some friendships just aren’t meant to be. The simplest of things can destroy a friendship, but you just have to get through the experience, knowing you’ve had fun while it lasted, and realising that friends will come and go throughout your life anyway.  Many friendships come to an end in the early years of high school because you’re getting older, so your opinions are constantly changing and therefore clashes with your mates are more likely. Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is accept it, and do your best to make new friends as quickly as possible. Making friends outside school will help build your confidence, so that in school you can make new mates more easily. Always try your best to stay on civil terms with your old friends, otherwise your new friends will get fed up of you constantly moaning about them.
As you get older, you’ll find it easier to interact with different people, and will probably find yourself with a huge group of friends, male and female, whereas before you probably will have only been close to people of your own gender. As year 11, GCSE’s and the end of high school loom closer, you’ll become aware of the fact that soon you will lose some of your friends. Again, you have to accept that you can’t be friends with  everyone forever. Make the most of the time you have left together, and look ahead because you’re sure to meet new people at 6th form, college or in the workplace that you’ll be just as close, if not closer to. Boy and Girl Friendships… The question ‘Can boys and girls be just friends?’ has always been asked, and I’m sure you will agree that of course they can! Up until the age of about 13, many people aren’t comfortable with having friends of a different sex, but by the time you take your options, having friends of the opposite sex is just as cool as friends of the same sex. Sometimes opposite sex friendships can be more successful than same sex friendships, because jealousy and arguments are less likely to occur. I have loads of different friends, but I really value my male  mates as they are like big brothers to me (without the fighting!), which means we have a really fun but relaxed relationship. Boy/girl friendships only work when you can honestly say that you don’t fancy each other. So how do you know when you can be just friends? Here are a couple questions you should consider: Is your mate intensely good looking? OK so it’s not a problem that you find your mate mildly good looking, but this could lead to complications later if you realise they are actually INTENSELY good looking! Do people tease you for flirting with each other? A little subtle flirting when you’re feeling cheeky is fine, but when people begin to notice and talk about it you know you have a bit of a problem… Do you find it hard to talk about your boyfriend or girlfriend in front of your friend? Mates are supposed to be there for you when you need to pour out your latest love troubles, so why do you avoid the subject when you’re having a serious chat? A common problem with mixed gender friendships is the fact that one fancies the other at some point. If you’re free and single, and sure that if things went wrong you could stay friends, then you could go for it, as the best relationships are formed from friendships. On the other hand, if you end up choosing between a boyfriend or girlfriend and your mate, you’re going to feel pretty stressed, which will put  pressure on both relationships. However, if you do find yourself looking at your mate and thinking there might be something more than just friendship, the best thing to do is to put the thoughts to the back of your mind and forget about them. That way you won’t be ruining a wonderful friendship, and if something is meant to happen between the two of you it will.
Sarah :o)
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