Deaths of Loved ones...

The death of different loved ones can mean you experience different feelings. The death of a grandparent who you only saw once a year may feel different to the death of a parent.

Death of a Parent

The death of a parent can be very traumatic at any age but even more so when you are young. You may feel like it is wrong that they were taken away from you while you are still young or while they were still young.

Your parents are usually the people that have been there your whole life. To have them taken away from you, especially if it is sudden or through a terrible illness, is hard and very difficult to come to terms with. If it was in something like an accident you may feel like they were there for you throughout your whole life but you were not there for them. It is normal to blame yourself or to at least feel some guilt over some aspect of a parents death. Because I have been lucky enough not to experience what it is like to lose a parent it is hard for me to know how anyone could feel at the thought.

However, I do know that if I lost my Mum or Dad I would feel devastated and would feel like there was no point to living any more. I may even feel like the other parent might die and would leave me on my own, which is a common feeling. The one thing which I would try to tell anyone who has lost a parent is that they loved you and to remember them you have to carry on and live your life and tell people all about them. It is difficult when you lose a parent and you do have to grieve but they would not want you to carry on with your life by doing this all the time.

Death of a Grandparent

Grandchildren often have a varying relationship with their grandparents.

In some cases all of a child’s grandparents may be dead before they are born or before they are old enough to care. Other times, grandparents can be around for 20 years or more of a grandchild’s life.

Even then, they may not be close to them. Some grandparents are the type you only visit around Christmas and even then you sit there thoroughly bored while they comment on how much you have grown.

If a grandparent like this dies you may get very confused feelings. You may feel like you should be more upset but cannot be. You may feel more upset for the loss of your parents than your own loss.

If you do not feel upset you cannot force it upon yourself. If you have had very little contact with a grandparent it is unlikely that you will grieve for a long time (or your grief will come out in different ways or a while after the death). However, there are some grandchildren and grandparents who are close. When they die it is very likely that you will grieve. It may take you a while to get over losing them but you will get over it. That does not mean having to forget them or stop visiting their grave, it just means being able to carry on with your life while still remembering them.

Death of a Brother or Sister

The death of a brother or sister can be difficult because they are family and they are usually (however many arguments you have) close to you. The loss of a sibling can be particularly terrible if you are both young as you may not understand why they had to die and why they died so young when they still had so much to do in life. It is very difficult also when you are older because you are close to them and you love them very much and whenever you lose something you love you are bound to grieve. Again, there is no set time on how long you are allowed to grieve but after a while the pain will go away and you will be able to move on while remembering the good times you had together and also knowing that you are helping to keep their memory alive.

Death of Someone Young

It is often difficult to accept the death of someone who is young, particularly if they are close to you. They could be a friend, classmate or boy/girlfriend and they could have died from a disease, an accident or even by their own hand. You may feel different emotions, some short in lasting, others staying with you for a lifetime. Some people who are experiencing a stage of denial or anger may want to destroy or get rid of their possessions which remind them of their lost friend.

It is best not to do this and to just put them in a safe place because they can be a source of comfort once you have got over this stage of grief. It may be helpful for you to talk to other friends about your lost friend so that it feels more real and also so that you are celebrating their life. You may feel responsible for your friend’s death or you may think through hundreds of "What ifs?" You are not responsible for your friends death and you should keep telling yourself this.

If you need to cry or shout or even do something active such as creating a memorial to your friend or raising awareness about what killed them; make sure though you take care of yourself and don’t get depressed or suicidal. Many people do but you should remember that your friend would have not wanted you to feel like that and would want you to get on with your life.