Coping with older siblings It’s difficult enough being the youngest one in the family without having a huge generation divide between you and everyone e lse. I was born in Chelmsford, Essex about two years after my family moved over from China. My family, which consists of five of my sisters and two of my brothers, that is. So I’m a lone voice in a sea of elders, as it were, and it doesn’t help when they’re all very outspoken and very opinionated. There’s about three generations in my family: my parents, who are about 70, my brothers and sisters, who range from 27 to 42, and little old me at 17. So what do you expect if you’re my age in 21st century Britain? Some money to buy some clothes, make-up, CDs, obviously CD player would be nice, go out a few times to the cinema or something (obviously not pub as I’m under age…) boyfriend would also be nice, etc. etc.... What does my family expect me to do with my life? Stay in all week and work. Solidly. "I never wore make-up until I was twenty seven." "I never got any pocket money, I had to work to help feed the family at your age."  "Boyfriends? You’re far too young, you shouldn’t be thinking about that until you’re at least twenty-two."
Now, I know that it was difficult living in China through the twentieth century, but come on. In an age and society where nine year-olds own mobile phones you still expect me to wear baggy T-shirts and leave my legs to resemble thick bushes? So all my life I’ve been attempting to re-educate my family in the ways of Western youth. Going out means staying out beyond 9.30pm, a reasonable amount of money is more than 40p, and yes, I do know some lesbians, and no they don’t attack me with big sticks and brainwashing equipment every time I see them. Now they’re slightly more open-minded. Seeing that I’ve avoided becoming a junkie and have actually managed to get exam grades over C’s has managed to stabilise their belief in Western culture. But for many of you who have to deal with relatives with strong religious or cultural beliefs it can be difficult to convince them to let you live your own life. Here are a few hints to help you: - Be patient. It will take time for your parents to adapt and get used to the idea of giving you more independence.
- Be calm. Turning every discussion into an argument isn’t going to help. It will just show them that you’re not mature enough to be given independence yet.
- Be ready to compromise. Often the best way is to come to an agreement and then gradually your parents will give you more free rein if you show them you’re responsible.
 - Don’t abuse your freedom. The worst thing to do is stay out until 4am when you were supposed to be in at 11pm. Not only will your parents be worried sick, but they’ll take that freedom away from you and never give it to you again.
- Be understanding. Although it may not seem that way, your parents are just doing what they’re doing because they care. So don’t explode if they won’t let you go to that party – either come to a compromise or respect their wishes.
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